He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
