put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
