oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize