Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
