I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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