I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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