Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
