I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
