i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
