I hate your face
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
