im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
no. you can't hotbox the world.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
