I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
