No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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