I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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