Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
