I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
