hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
