Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
