my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
