Are we in a gay sports bar?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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