Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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