that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Randomize
