and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
