so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
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