If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
