She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
