i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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