How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
