You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
