no, he came in my armpit
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
