My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
