Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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