Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
