dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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