Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
