Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
