For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
