is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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