so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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