Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
