fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
