Sry I called you an 8
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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