I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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