I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
