i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
