Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Someone shit on the floor
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
