I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
