I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
