you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
