from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
