I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
