I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
