I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
