I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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