I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Send help, water and tortillas.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
