I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize