Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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