He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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