D3 body, D1 cock
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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