The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
