dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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