"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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