Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
