well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
