oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
