I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
