I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
