i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
