Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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