you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I touched a dick in church today
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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