david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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