At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
