No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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