K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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