evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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